La Sandia

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befuddled muddled huddled and perhaps need to be cuddled

November 8, 2008 · 4 Comments

I don’t know what to write anymore. Excuse me but I’m confused. I work in cubicle hell but the people are great. I have words in my body which may perhaps form an ugly and gnarly book (I’m thinking of calling it Don’t Touch Me). The beauty in the ugly and ugly in what I love is making me speechless. All I know is I know nothing. And when I walk to my cubicle, I take long strides and pretend I’m still backpacking, marching with determination. Because it’s still a pilgrimage of some sort. I’m sure of it. I think.

Categories: Trying to figure it out

4 responses so far ↓

  • Steve // November 9, 2008 at 8:11 pm

    This post makes me want to say alot, but I don’t know how to say it. The words are hard to find. So I will just give you all of the random thoughts as they come to me and hopefully you can put them together and gather some wisdom from them. ( wisdom – for lack of a better word since wisdom would be me thinking far too much of myself).
    Here goes…it sure is easier to have perspective and think creatively and abstractly when you don’t have to sacrifice hours of your day to a job, a job you have mainly to meet the needs of the ones you love…the young look at the old as sell outs without the passion they once had, easy to say when your bed is made for you…the day to day of life can be so consuming…i try to do things better because i want my children to have a good example and eventually be better than me…sometimes real life sucks…i think there is remarkable courage in some, both those that give so much of their life for their family and those who refuse to do things they don’t love…we have so much i think we should be more content, look at how little some others have…(que eagles song or other 80’s ballad)…k, that’s enough for now……is any of this making any sense????

  • Wyliekat // November 10, 2008 at 7:20 am

    Cubicle life will make you question your sanity. I say this as I contemplate my beige padded walls.

    However, I also work with people I really like. It somehow makes it better. Focus on that and let the beige do what beige does best – fade into the background.

  • Sandia // November 10, 2008 at 8:03 am

    Thanks for the random thoughts Steve… sometimes random ends up being quite cohesive. Those are a lot of the thoughts that have run through my own head. And I’m definitely thankful because I did need a job and the hours work out perfectly which is a lot to receive in these times. Sometimes I ask big questions that I don’t have the answers to… whether it be for the little kids in Mexico bagging groceries or carrying around their baby siblings begging or for me in cubicle hell, I wonder what it’s all about for all of us… sometimes clarity comes (if for a moment ;) )
    Wyliekat – I think I will try to let the grey fade into the background. Good point. I suppose my journeys have always been the outside affecting the inside. Perhaps my journey will be the inside affecting the outside. Hm.

  • Jillian // October 6, 2009 at 6:24 pm

    I enjoy reading your blog because you take the time to write what isn’t extraordinary and aren’t remarkably huge bounds and leaps in conciousness — you simply are trying to figure it out with an honesty that is a pleasure to read and an inspiration for some of us who also are muddled befuddled and perhaps needing to be cuddled, haha.

    And I have to say, I am a 24 year old who has quoted you, “I miss the days when I thought I knew everything” and I do hope you continue writing.

    Thanks for writing.

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